My house was a gift from the good people at Doritos.

Whew. Well, 11 days in to the new year and I'm feeling a little better. Mentally, that is. Physically, well, I think I have a wee touch of the Montezuma's Revenge (which is a euphemism for HORRENDOUS GASTRIC TRAUMA) but aside from that, neh.

Being back at school really helps. I loved seeing everyone over the holidays, but then there was a little space of time in which I came back up here and wasn't really doing much of anything. Now granted, I do enjoy being lazy the odd time and all, but when you get into the habit of reading until 4 a.m. and then sleeping into 4 p.m. the following day, something's a little out of whack. Now my brain is occupied again, and all is mostly well.

I got a Sigmund Freud action figure for Christmas, btw.


- Jill

I'm still around.

sorry, long time since my last post. i was down in niagara and had no web access.
i actually have nothing to say
and am not in a good mood
at all.
just letting y'all know.

jill

Pimp my province.

Alright. I hate winter, I won't deny it. But one of my (soon-to-be) New Years' resolutions is to quit being such a damn pessimist and start looking on the bright side.

I mean sure, it's -17, no non-highway roads are plowed/salted, there's a foot of snow on the ground, and we just had an ice storm, but the cool part about it is that the sun came out today and it looks like every tree is coated in diamonds and glitter. I just got back from a walk and since it was nearly sunset at the time, I got an amazing view. There are a lot of hills here, and trees everywhere. When the sun is behind the trees, it lights up the coating of ice on the branches and the effect is stunning.

I, of course, did not have a camera on me.

After looking at that for a while, I felt a little better about the weather situation. I guess there's some good in everything. Even crappy, crappy, Canadian winters.


- Jill

Work it.

I wrote this for something else, figured I'd put it here too. Why not.

+++++

So I'm watching Fashiontelevision the other day, and decided to share a few of my thoughts. And a little imagery to back them up.

Pictures of supermodels don't really paint a clear picture of how thin they actually are, most times. The camera actually DOES add ten pounds. Have you ever seen a supermodel in person? I've seen several. (My aunt works in the fashion industry.)



Supermodels are venerated as the absolute ideal that women should strive for. You can say until you're blue in the face that women are supposed to have curves and all that, but enough bullcrap is enough bullcrap, my friend. It's pretty obvious that you just aren't good enough with that BMI over 18 and that butt and those boobs.



That's beautiful, isn't it? Man, when I have a little girl, I'm gonna start her dieting early so that when she gets older, she's ahead of the game. It doesn't matter if you aren't 5'11, you can still be beautiful if you're skinny, right? Maybe if she's my height and somewhere around 80 pounds she'll be as perfect as this. I can only hope.



Not an ounce of fat anywhere. No breasts, no hips, no nothing. The only problem is figuring out how to pass on those beautiful perfect genes when there isn't enough body fat on you to allow you to menstruate. Hm. Maybe that's why so few people look like this. Natural selection?



Oh God, why don't I look like this? Why did nature curse me with a medium frame and muscle tone?



Mmm, Eliana Ramos is so beautiful. Oops, wait. I mean... WAS so beautiful. She died- at 18- of a heart attack six months after her 22 year old sister (Luisel, also a model) died of the exact same thing. Well, obviously they were doing it wrong. Good anas never die! Stay strong, girls, rexi pride!!

Yeah.

The media does not -cause- eating disorders. But it IS damaging the minds of women AND men all over the world. It plants seeds of self-doubt in young, impressionable minds. I know plenty of women who are not clinically eating disordered, and yet they too fret over their waistlines, dread clothes shopping, and pinch themselves unconsciously, staring at themselves in the mirror. They live in a body that is, according to the world, imperfect.

Forgive me for sounding patronizing, but I tend to believe that Queen Latifah (200+ lbs)



is better looking than Nataliya Gotsiy (<95 lbs, keep in mind she's 5'11)



and will also probably outlive her by about 40 years.

Oh well. It's not like things will change anytime soon.



-Jill

Typing with acrylic nails.

So excuse any typos.

I have been away for a while, I know. Finals are coming up. I did get to spend the weekend with my family- I haven't seen them in four months. I went to Toronto to stay with my aunt and twin cousins for a day, then we all went back down to Niagara to see my grandparents and the rest of the family. My aunt and I went shopping and got pedicures and whatnot, it was a nice treat after doing nothing but studying for so long.

Oh, and I got acrylic nails. They aren't very long, but keep in mind I've never been able to grow my nails, they always bend and break, no matter how much Teflon topcoat I use. It's making certain tasks- like typing- very difficult. Oh well, they look nice.

Back to work.


- Jill

Sometimes I take interviews seriously.

AND SOMETIMES I DON'T.

+++++

What is your favorite song of all time?

Flight of the Bumblebee.

Who do you count on when feeling down?

I count on my fingers the number of angsty tears streaming from my blackened soul because I'm so emo.

Do you plan in advance

Always. Unless I don't.

What attracts you most?

Fluorescent colours and floral scents.

Do you hold hands when you walk in public?

I sort of wring them together.

How many hobbies do you have

Is taxidermy a hobby?

Close your eyes for a moment, who pops into your head?

Christopher Walken.

Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them?

I could make a joke about not wanting to visit Uranus, but I'm way too mature for that.

Describe your perfect Sunday morning?

I'd be asleep through the whole thing. Perfect.

If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?

Dinosaur expert/astronaut.

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

Micronesia.

If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?

Ann Coulter.

If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?

Squid.

What is your favourite word?

I can't really write it because it's in Arabic and it means something very bad.

What makes you cry?

Conservatives.

What makes you laugh?

Tylenol 3's.

If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?

An armadillo.

If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?

On a diamond encrusted BMW.

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?

What's in the cup? Am I dehydrated? Is it a large cup? WHO ARE YOU??

Who was your hero as a child?

Ringo Starr.

What do you do for fun?

Re-create episodes of MythBusters in friends' basements and YouTube the results.

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person

Not everyone can afford doors, okay!??

If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?

Live seven months just so I could prove that all doctors are idiots.

What 7 words would your best friend use to describe you?

Yakka foob mog grug pubbawup chumble spuzz.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I think I mentioned a diamond-encrusted BMW up there somewhere...

What are you most proud of in your life?

Being awesome on 11 different levels while still maintaining my image as a normal 21 year old University student.

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?

I have two Jack Russell terrorists and a veiled chameleon. That sounds incredibly racist, but it isn't.

Who do you admire most?

Dusty Scott and the guy who cream-pied the Prime Minister a few years back.

Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?

I have a portrait of Tupac on the back of my head, but it's covered by my hair.

Get the number or give the number?

1. Give friend's number.
2. Tell person to keep calling back even if I answer the phone sounding like a different person and hang up on them because it is a fun game I like to play.
3. ????
4. PROFIT!

How do you feel?

Like I'm losing my perspicacity.

What size shoe do you wear?

13 EE.

Water or 100% Juice?

100% water.

T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel

I used to work for AT&T. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Would you rather be hot or cold?

Cold. I'm already insanely hot, obviously.

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?

I lose both every time I pay for gas. *rimshot*

Favorite Place to Eat?

The dumpster behind Harvey's.

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?

Other. I feel that listening to people singing in the shower is best. They really put their heart into it. What? No, that's not stalking. If they're singing, it means they want the attention.

What is your favorite clothing brand?

Derelique (Zoolander.)

Most Memorable Past?

I'd have to say that it's a close tie between my past-life as a 4,200 year-old pine tree off the coast of California and my past-life as Molly Ringwald. Reincarnation is awesome.

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?

Haven't I made it clear enough??

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was stapled to another one.

Do you support Paris?

I can't even lift 40 pounds. How can I support Paris?

Where is Waldo?

Behind the damn coconut tree. He's been there the whole time.

Favorite element?

Rutherfordium.

What was your last thought?

My teeth itch.

Who are you going to vote for in 2008?

The Communist Party.

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?

You're saying I can't have milk and crackers?

Favorite fruit?

Uglifruit. It exists. Go to Zehrs and find it. It really is ugly.

Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?

When you get right down to it, they pretty much sound the same.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?

I'd rather die, personally.

Define yourself in 3 words...

I was going to put my first, middle, and last name, but then I realized that I'm not that stupid.

Do you eat cold cereal at night?

I eat nothing BUT cold cereal. It's not just a diet, it's a way of life.

What is your favorite TV show?

Jerry Springer.

Kill the spider or let it out?

KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT

Do you shower every single day?

I shower seven times on Monday, and that frees me up for the rest of the week.

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?

I haggle with them.

Boat or bus?

You could always put a bus on a ferry and ride it across Lake Ontario.

What is your favourite Pj Fabric?

Plaid flannel only.

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out?

Curl up in the corner and rock back and forth, weeping.

What is your favorite food?

Anything that costs upwards of $38/lb.

What is your favorite place?

Jane and Finch. (If you aren't familiar with Toronto, you might not get that.)

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?

Doublethink.

Vitamin Water or Gatorade?

Most Gatorate is actually made with crocodile, and I don't like to support companies that lie.

Favorite body part?

The coccyx.

Flip flops or sandals?

I prefer waist-high rubber wading boots.

What do you do on Fridays?

Party like it's 1999. No, I'm kidding. I watch Star Trek until my corneas dry out.

Do you like bananas?

When I hear the word "bananas", I think of that God-awful Gwen Stefani song and become infuriated.

Thanks for your time!


- Jill

And the coffee grounds are burying the hours that she killed in another murder of a day.

More song lyrics.

I got no sleep last night. Well, not entirely true. I got some sleep last night. At about 4 a.m.

I really don't know why. For the first time in over a week, there was no pain- or at least the pain had subsided to a degree that I could barely feel it. I was all comfortable and stuff. I just couldn't get my brain to settle down. My thoughts were going a mile a minute. And the more tired I got, the stranger the thoughts were. Ever find yourself on the edge of sleep and trying to figure out things that make absolutely zero sense, like how to invent a way of turning peanuts into rubber so you could reverse the last 50 years of damage to the ozone layer?

I don't feel too bad today, though. I think as long as I turn in early tonight, I'll be fine. I hope so, anyway. I have been in a foul mood as of late, and while I probably have a decent excuse for that, I still feel bad. I was looking for my cream cheese in the fridge yesterday (it is a very specific type of cream cheese, Philly smoked salmon, light/low-fat, bought with my own money, IT IS MINE) and flew into a rage when I couldn't find it. Well, not a violent rage, more of a comical frustration in retrospect. I was truly mad, though, and I followed the Boy around the house for a good twenty minutes asking WHY he moved it, WHERE did he put it, DID YOU THROW IT OUT!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???

It was behind the milk.

I am wasting time in the computer lab again. I am secretly saddened by the fact that they have fixed the thermostat. About two weeks ago it had gotten jammed or something, fixing the temperature of the room at 83 degrees. Since I am always freezing bloody cold even in the middle of August, I loved it. Plus there was the bonus that everyone else hated it and started using the computer lab upstairs, leaving this one empty and quiet for me. Now it is full and cold again.

Since moving here, I've noticed that everyone seems comfortable at a far lower temperature than I do. I mean, EVERYONE feels comfortable at lower temperatures than I do, but it goes to extremes here. To give you an idea, I feel most comfortable with an ambient temperature of 80, normal people with about 73-75, and people here with about 60. I swear to God, it's the middle of November and they're whining to put the air conditioner on. I don't understand it, and much as I like bundling myself in layers and layers of clothing, it's rather annoying to have to wedge yourself into one of those tiny University desk-ettes while wearing a winter coat that you can't take off lest you die of hypothermia in the middle of a lecture.

I better end this before I go off on a tangent again.


- Jill